Yesterday two little girls came knocking at our door. “Can Tyler come out to play?” My heart sunk. I knew you would be thrilled to run around outside and play with these other people. Really, you get recess and lunch at school, so why should you need to play with kids down the street too?!
You don’t have many friends around the neighborhood because your school is 25 minutes from our house, so you were absolutely thrilled to play with new people.
I knew the time would come, and to be honest, I’ve feared it. I’ve seen so many of my other mom friends who don’t even bat an eye, come to think of it… Did my Mom ever bat an eye?! I think she was excited to get rid of us for hours at a time, yet here I was ready to play Mission Impossible because you were going across the street to play. Seriously cray-cray.
After you finished homework and dinner, I lectured you for about 15 minutes on making good decisions. I’m pretty sure you heard every word… probably not. Then with a watch on your wrist, I sent you on your way until 7pm.
That’s when the fear and anxiety kicked in. My baby is down the street, playing with kids. There are cars outside, other people outside… who knows… outside. I thought back to when I was a kid and Aunty Krissy, Uncle Steve and I would run around like little monkeys with our monkey friends all.day.long. Are these the same kind of days where it is safe for kids to run around? Are these good kids? Will he learn bad things? I don’t know.
I used to play a street away, is that considered Child Abandonment these days? Daddy used to play where there were Copperheads and Water Moccasins. Is that Child Endangerment?! I DON’T KNOW! But, I have to let you learn. I can’t keep you in a bubble and follow you around forever…. Or could I?!
I seriously considered hiding behind a bush, then I thought I could grab a few branches and inch closer. Hiding behind a tree isn’t an option because the tree’s are super skinny still. Maybe grab the binoculars and spy from the windows? Definitely an option. Do I need a background check on them, these NEW people? Was I really going to turn into a neurotic, anxiety ridden mom?! Yes. I almost did. I almost went there.
Presley and I opted to clean the house, which is what I do when I have anxiety. I clean like a ravenous, OCD freak! We peaked through the front windows every five minutes to get a play by play of the action, and we watched as you had a blast playing with the kids down the street. Maybe I’m just not ready to let go, maybe I have too many fears that something bad will happen, but at some point I have to be strong and let you become a big boy and learn some things on your own.
Yesterday was that day. I was a super spy, crazy, anxiety filled, maid & mommy. All in one day. I went to bed exhausted, yet feeling proud that I was okay letting my big boy go… for a little bit! Can’t wait for the day you go to college!!!